Its Afishal!

Wel, its afishal. Kreacher is fat.

Dad take me to vet yesterday and skale say 60 pownds. Doktor say like this, she say

"kreacher, yu to fat. yu godda luz wate or yu gunna have prablems!"

I say to her, "I alreddy got prablems! Like my squierlly toy went missin. And I see goasts in da wendow. Wut udder prablems cud me kreacher have?"

She say like,

"Yu kreacher cud hav helth prablems. Yu don want dat rite?"

I say "rite."

So me gonna start getting a litle less dinner, and go for mor wawks. (Dad ben reel lazee about wawks.) Me also see dis info mershal abowt wate loss. Hippy hoppy sexy abs or sumthin. Pino (my boyfrend) show me kreacher how to uze dads cumputer to order things we want. Me go to hippy hoppy sexy abs.com and get dem dvds. Now kreacher godda figure out how to uze dvd player. Pino prably kan sho me.

Me stil lukin for job to. i see my frend on the youtube today! His mom and dad got him a jumpy circle! luk!

Maybe I can get sum werk doin dat! You no - like "kreacher the bulldog who jump on a big circle!" I get a tv show and somethin! You look on monster.com for me tu see jobs like dat? Me scared to.

Gole for next wik - luz 1 pownd. Go on 3 wawks.

go kreacher!

me kreacher luz wate!!

Me Kreacher way 59 pownds! Down too pownds in too weiks! DATS PUPPY PROGESS!

I ben werkin REEL hard! I swich to low fat dog food, I ben wawkin and playin arownd my apartmint all the time, AND I even ben dreemin bout dooin pushups!

Also, mom swiched my treats for BEENS!

WHERE?

Oh sorey - i thowt der was a been sumwere.

behold my new treets! 

In rigards to my job sichuashun - i got a fyoo reza mays owt and abowt. I was gonna go on monster.com but i got skared and asked my dad to do it. HE SAY HE BIZY! He a butthole (sorry for my lang wage).

I got a kallbak from petsmart, maybe we see were dat goes.

Til next tyme - wish me luk! Me continyou my puppy progress!

Puppy no progress

So me kreacher werk hard all week. me go on sevral walks, get very tired - me kreacher sure i luz wate. butt what skale say? me kreacher GANE one and a haff pownds! how dat heppen?!

Dis not ok. Dis bullshit. (dont tell mom i use dat werd...i get punnishd)

Me kreacher got to werk harder, me go on walk yesterday and not culaps on flore when i get home. dats puppy progress!

Butt hers da prablem - mom said to me yesterday, she say "hey you, kreacher. we goin to see nanny and poppy dis weekend!" i like dem a lot but dey alwaze givin me treets and meetbalz. dat make kreacherboy fat! what me goonna do? say no an be rude? i don't wanna affend nanny! me kreacher have a dill imma!

i jus gotta be ferm wif hers. say "nanny - me on dyet! me gotta luze wate or me kreacher gonna be unhelthee!"

Dis my frend, sunshine. he helthee and my fitness role modle.

In uther newz, me stil lookin for job. me home all day wachin tv - prablee not gud for my wate! i call my old boss from frio-lay factory. he say to me

"kreacher! we fire you cuz you umsamitarty. you stop callin us!"

Me not sure what unsamitaty mean, but me call back tomorro.

if you got any jobs i can do, let me no! me kreacher gonna be healthhe produktiv member af sasiety!

go kreacher!

Me Kreacher. Me fat.

kurrent wate: 59.5 pownds.

godda luze: 10 pownds.  

Helo. me is kreacher. I a 5 yer old buldog, and i way 59.5 pownds. Me think this fine, mom and dad think i obeese. Heer is my daly rooteen:

7:00 mom and dad wake up. me kreacher sleep. maybe me go outside and poo.
7:45 dad give me almond budder.  :)
8:00 mom and dad leeve for day. me kreacher sleep on cowch as seen in abuv pikshure.
12:00 me kreacher turn around. back to sleep.
12:01 kreacher turn back around. sleep again.
5:30 mom come home, we sleep on cowch togedder.
6:30 dad come home, gimmie dinner. me go outside to poo.
6:40 back to sleep.
7:30 mom and dad eet dinner - me eet food they drop on flore.
8:00 hump dad.
9:30 second dinner. poo again.
10:00 play with toys.
10:15 bedtime.

I goda luze at leest ten pownds to get helthee.  it gunna be hard, but me kreacher determend.

no more a deez. :(

here rulez:

dogfood only.
no treets.
can't eet food from mom or dad plate. that inklude almond budder.
go for walk at leest 3x per weak.

wish me luk evrebady. me wanna get helthee.